‘The Vanishing Queen
she’s so totally gone…
got some vanishing cream
and she put a load on…
now her family are amphibians
and live in the pond…
tell me…what we gonna do to make her reappear
Mama?!
‘
The Queen is in her castle surrounded by her loving family the King, the Princess, the Prince and her staff, the chef, maid and butler.
She hears that the medicine woman, who lives in the forests of the kingdom has great power and at once summons her.
Queen “Tell me Medicine Woman, how wise are you?”
Medi “As wise as the tree, your majesty”
Queen “And how powerful are you?”
Medi “As powerful as nature”
Queen “Well then, what is the secret of your power?”
Medi “That I cannot tell you, for some may use it and some may abuse it”
Furious that the medicine woman will not reveal the secrets of her ability to heal and curse, the Queen dismisses her and calls for her maid to go and gather herbs. With these herbs the Queen tries spells and recipes to make potions in the hope that she can use them on the medicine woman and make her reveal her powers.
The King is the first person to challenge the Queens ethics. Incensed at being questioned she throws an unfinished potion at him. Immediately he turns into a frog and hops away. One by one the Prince, Princess, chef, maid and butler make the mistake of asking the Queen to think about her actions and are duly turned into amphibians. With six frogs hopping around the castle knocking over precious antiques and vases of lillies the Queen decides to banish them to the pond. Where frogs belong.
Alone and lonely, but in denial, the Queen wanders around the empty chambers of the castle, stopping regularly to admire her reflection in the gold ornate mirrors. “I’ll re-invent myself. I’ll get a new King, a new family” she mutters to herself “and for that, I’ll need some Vanishing Cream….” and she logs in to her Q-bay account. She types in Vanishing Cream and stares at the screen.
Results for ‘vanishing cream’-3
1. Rejuvenation cream – 20.000 yetls
2. Exclamation cream – 40.000 yetls
3. Creation cream – 60.000 yetls
but NO vanishing cream.
Just at that moment a leaflet appears in the letterbox and floats to the floor. It says
FREE TRIAL OFFER OF VANISHING CREAM-SEND OFF TODAY!
So she does just that.
The next day a pink parcel is delivered and inside is a tiny pot of Vanishing Cream.
She rushes to the Hall of Mirrors and hastily applies some cream in the first mirror. At once she appears a little younger, and dances dizzily around and around the hall of mirrors laughing and singing and rubbing in more and more cream. Around and around she goes until….all that’s left of the Queen is a little piece of skin next to her nose.
She has vanished.
Her eyes have disappeared, so she cannot see the cream
Her nose has disappeared so she cannot smell the cream
Her mouth has disappeared so she cannot call for the cream
While she doesn’t use the cream, she begins to reappear
And when she reappears she has no memory of the cream
Alone and in denial the Queen wanders around the empty chambers of the castle, stopping regularly to admire her reflection in the gold ornate mirrors. “I’ll re-invent myself. I’ll get a new King, a new family” she mutters to herself “And for that, I’ll need some Vanishing Cream….” and she logs in to her Q-bay account. She types in Vanishing Cream and stares at the screen.
Results for ‘vanishing cream’-3
1. Rejuvenation cream – 20.000 yetls
2. Exclamation cream – 40.000 yetls
3. Creation cream – 60.000 yetls
but NO vanishing cream.
Just at that moment a leaflet appears in the letterbox and floats to the floor. It says
FREE TRIAL OFFER OF VANISHING CREAM-SEND OFF TODAY!
So she does just that.
The next day a pink parcel is delivered and inside is a tiny pot of Vanishing Cream.
She rushes to the Hall of Mirrors and hastily applies some cream in the first mirror. At once she appears a little younger, and dances dizzily around and around the hall of mirrors laughing and singing and rubbing in more and more cream. Around and around she goes until….all that’s left of the Queen is a little piece of skin next to her nose.
She has vanished., again.
And so, the Queen becomes trapped in a futile reality of her own doing. Or is it?
***
Now, a family of frogs is called an army and usually armies have enemies, but the Queen isn’t really an enemy, she just needs teaching a lesson or two. Lesson one was over and oh how the frogs had laughed watching the Queen vanish and re-appear powerless over her future. So they stopped posting the leaflets and sending the cream and waited to see what she would do next.
THE ABSURD THINGS FROGS SAY
OPERATION AMPHIBIA
Aim 1
To stop the Queen in her tracks and restore our dignity
Method–
Deliver COUPON for desired Vanishing Cream (this is the Medicine womans potion which is made from lilly pollen and dandelion clocks) make the Queen vanish, re-appear and forget therefore buying time to plan our return to human form
Results–
Amazing performance by the Queen. 10 out of 10 for giggles. Princess blubbed because she misses her Mum, but it gave us time to plan Lesson 2. Queen still slightly dizzy.
Conclusion–
Good outcome. Would have been a more valuable lesson if filmed.
Aim 2
To re-program Her Majestys understanding of PONDLIFE as a lifestyle
Method–
Invent a secret language and send Queen subliminal suggestions to show her that her actions have a direct consequence. Aquire an army of allies ( The Smythes) who can protect the Kingdom while we frogs are confined to our lillypads. Work with the Medicine Woman to ensure that the message is encrypted
e.g
18-9-2-2-9-20 (ribbit)
3-18-15-1-11 (croak)
(OPERATION IN PROGRESS)
***
The Queen appears at her computer table
Results for Vanishing Cream:
-ZERO
Bored in the castle, the Queen takes a walk in the gardens. She passes the pond and listens to the frogs. Her frogs. “I wonder if they will talk to me” she whispers, “but how will they understand me, or I, them? The frogs were all ribbitting rapidly, hopping and boinging. The Queen lies down for a listen and falls asleep in the reeds. Hours later she awakes with a brilliant idea and rushes back to the castle. “I will throw a garden party for some noble gentlemen. Posh ones, of course, yes, the Smythes”. She sends out 5 royal invitations for 5pm and goes to her beauty parlour.
Meanwhile Sir Stanley Slurp, the butler, was making his way from the pond to the remote grounds in preparation for the brief.
At the castle the Queen was setting out the tables. It was a struggle and made her seem awkward and ungainly. Her make-up was wonky. Her dress kept getting caught in the table legs so she reluctantly changed into the Kings green leggings. “I could do with some help here” she snaps but the castle is silent apart from the tick and tock of the rather grand clock.
In the parlour, hot and bothered she loses her wedding ring in the salmon mousse and cuts her finger slicing cucumber. She dabs the blood on a thick slice of bread. It was a surprise to see such strange bread. “Are these what maid calls…crusts?”. No-one replies.
Then a childs voice sings “Mummy!” . The queens eyes dart from left to right, she spins around to look for her daughter but the parlour is empty. It’s as though a green fog has enveloped the room and she calls for help but her voice has vanished.
Bewildered and frightened, she feels as though she is drowning and a pain courses through her when she thinks about what she has done .
“Oh No! she wails…the Smythes are on their way
They’ll find out what I’ve done
They’ll see the King has gone
Oh what shall I do with the Smythes?
Smythes 1,2,3,4,5 ”
She finds her mobile and sends 5 texts
To: 1913252084
From : 17215514
Royal Alert
Change of venue for Garden Party
Now being held in the remote grounds
Pass the castle for 3 acres
Take the 1st left then the second right.
MSGS -SENT
“That will give me some time” she thinks and she rushes towards the pond
***
The Remote Grounds
Butler- “How many Smythes in the field? Say AYE
Smythes- “Aye
Aye
Aye
Aye
Aye”
Butler-“Lets hear the Smythes who’ll risk their lives oi!”
Smythes- “OI
OI
OI
OI
OI”
Butler- “O.K sentries. Backs to the Castle.
With the castle protected from all sides, the frogs begin with their planned chorus.
To the Queen the ribbit croak song was hypnotic and challenging, drawing her nearer to understand. Because she couldn’t talk she gave up trying to communicate with them and just listened.
Here’s some of what she heard-
Maid -“Wash this, wash that
Where’s your pinny
Where’s your hat?
I’m glad she’s gone
And that is that
As sure as on a lillypad
Is where I’m sat”
Maid (about Butler)-“Yes Sir, I did Sir
I always did my best, sir
The King got his Port, Sir
The Queen got her…….own way”
Chef- ” I made zee best frogs legs
Zey were fit for a king
Now I’m not so sure
I sink I will stick to chicken”
Kids –
“We hop you love us
we hop you care
we hopped you’d listen
and be aware
We loved you then
And we love you now
For love is much sweeter
Than beauty or power”
This time the Queen understands the lyrics. As she does so, she begins to hop. She calls for her King and the Kids. “Ribbit ribbit” she croaks.
Shocked at the appearance of her body, her face turns green to match. All she cares about now is getting to the pond and being with her family even if it means forever being a frog. As she reaches the pond, the ribbit croak song seems to be coming from behind her near the castle. The pond is empty, but for six lillypads shivering in the breeze. In she tumbles as remorse overwhelms her.
Results: Encrypted Message Delivered on time
Subject at danger point
Medicine woman standing by
to receive Queens coded call
From the bushes, the king looks on.
“And now my Queen is turning green
What can this mean, a brave frog Queen?
A more absurd thing I’ve never seen
Is this an amphibious dream?
I’m turning human
I feel like a new man
My crown is returning
I’m walking on true land…
Medicia, did you have a hand in this?”
Medi -“Amphibian Queen
She’s so totally green
In an empty pond
All hop is gone
But now she sees
Her reflection in the water
A teardrop falls
For she misses her daughter
Laughter from the castle
And the chinking of glasses
She must act now
Before the moment passes…”
The Queen gasps and chokes, swallowing gulps of slimy tepid water. She slips as she jumps to the bank…she croaks loudly at the top of her voice:
8-4-12-16! 8-4-12-16! “Help Help!”
At once Medicia appears:
Medi- “At your service, your majesty”
Queen – “Medicine woman, I trust in your power.
I was lost in the mirror for many an hour
If I have to live for the rest of my days
As a frog with their slimy amphibious ways
Please make me a potion that lets me become
Partly human again so that I can go home
In the hour I’m there it will feel like forever…”
So Medicia offers her a feather.
Medi- “So you were prepared to spend all of your days
In the lillypads learning amphibious ways
But with this fine feather you will learn to fly
And then you will understand M. E. D. I .”
She takes the feather and the Medicine woman leaves. As the Queen brushes the feather against her cheek she appears at the castle. She arrives dressed in fine clothes and smelling of lillies. The garden party is in full swing, the Smythes telling jokes to the king, the maid and butler taking much longer than they should and the prince and princess jumping on their trampoline. Chef has prepared a delicious meal, chicken in white wine and there is music, sweet music.
The Queen is so happy she croaks:
9 -12-15-22-5 25-15-21
9-’13 19-15-18-18-25!
“I LOVE YOU,
I’M SORRY!”
“Pardon Mama?” asks the Princess
“Excuse me, frog in my throat” says the Queen.
Conclusion-
So she is the Frog Queen
But nobody knows
Even Medi forgets
That the Queen has frogs toes
As long as the feather is not used again
This is the way the story will remain
THE END.
OR IS IT?
Sometimes when the kids are acting like little tadpoles, the Queen is nowhere to be seen. They search and search the castle gardens, playing hide and seek. It’s absurd, but there’s always this funny frog in the pond who goes “Ribbit croak, ribbit croak”. Actually, it looks more like a toad.
Shelley Ann Dwornik 2011
All Rights Reserved
Shelleyanndwornik's Weblog 